If memory serves me well, I miss you so.

Every time I think I know how I feel I just get more lost in my emotions. Maybe I am just being hormonal and stress from the new job, break in, and move. Maybe I am homesick, or maybe I really did hate Orlando, but do I love LA?

I have been really down these past few days for some odd reason and I cant put my finger on the situation. I live with amazing people that I get along with, my job is steady and I get along with my boss. But working in such a small environment I feel is making my window of making friends very small and tinted. I don’t think I am lonely, but I don’t know if I have ever been alone so I can’t say that I am not.

I joke with my friends that I will die alone in my apartment leaving only my corpse for my many cats to eat. But am I joking out of insecurities that I really will?! I know it wont go exactly down like that since I do plan on owning a dog and horses (maybe a raccoon!!) and I plan on living in a condo or house, not renting when I am old.

I don’t think I am so afraid of never finding love since that is the least of my many worries in life. I just don’t feel the love of the friends I have in Orlando. I am afraid I won’t discover that out here. I have been single for so long I don’t worry about being alone romantically since I only really know how to survive on my own. I don’t want a boyfriend…I want a friend.